Dr. Foster Discusses How to Move On and Deal with a Break Up or Divorce
Stacey Chillemi: Hi Dr. Foster! Can you start by telling us a little about yourself and your book?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: I’m a psychologist from Texas, and have been in practice for 28 years. In that time, I’ve seen a lot of couples. When going through my own divorce, I wished for a book that would gently guide me through the emotional part. This book is about how to survive on an emotional level.
Stacey Chillemi: What inspired you to write your book, “When Your Relationship Changes: A Woman’s Journey”?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: So many people are going through a major change in their relationship. It’s upsetting and people are often in a lot of emotional pain. I know what that’s like, having divorced myself. The book is like a psychologist befriending you on the journey.
Stacey Chillemi: How did you come up with the title?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: I was researching why 2/3 of divorces are brought on by women for my book The Naked Truth About Men (And Romance.) People who initiate a divorce have often struggled for 4-7 years before they make the BIG move. Included in the book is how to know when it’s time. In the end, I wanted to write a book for women.
Stacey Chillemi: If you could send a message to thousands of hurting people right now, what would it be?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: You’ll be okay. Since women define themselves in terms of their relationships, ending one can feel threatening on a deep level. She wants to know she matters to someone. But going back to being single is going back into your natural state. You are well acquainted with singleness. Children, teenagers and many young adults are single. We all lived, often quite happily, in that state of being. Remember yourself during those years. A break up doesn’t mean going into emptiness or meaninglessness. It means going back to a state you’ve already lived.
Stacey Chillemi: What's the most important point you're trying to make in your book?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: There are gifts that come with being single. Solitude is a pause, allowing self-review and self-creation. You deepen your understanding of yourself. You expand your consciousness, unhindered by the voice of another living in your space. You more actively create your own life—what you want it to be. You have more time and space to explore your interests. You hear your own thoughts more clearly. To make decisions alone is different than making them collaboratively: your ownership is deeper.
Solitude can be a detoxification interlude, a time to disentangle yourself from less-than-ideal habits, automatic strategies, or well-practiced reactions. You can cleanse yourself of the subtle ways in which you have hidden from your own truth. Ask yourself daring questions: am I unhappy about the role I’m supposed to play in relationships? Do I have invisible interests needing to be unleashed? Is culture organized in a way that cuts me off? Is there something I need to say?
Stacey Chillemi: Is there a message in your book that you want readers to grasp?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: When surveyed, half of single people wish they were married, but then, half of married people wish they were single. Don’t delude yourself that coupling is inherently the best state for a human. You have time for yourself now. You can go to bed, wake up, and spend money as you choose. You can select activities, TV shows, music, and movies independently. You now have freedom to acknowledge and indulge various desires, leaving behind the heavy burden of self-sacrifice. There’s a whole lot you don’t have to put up with. This is good. This is a time of replenishment.
Stacey Chillemi: What are your current projects?
Dr. Kathryn Foster: I’m very excited about my new book called Past Lives. It should be out this summer!
Click to view Dr. Foster’s books on Amazon
~Written by Stacey Chillemi
Founder of The Complete Guide to Natural Healing (www.thecompleteherbalguide.com)
Follow Stacey Chillemi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/The_HerbalGuide
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